Epidemic loneliness: Towards meaningful LGBTQIA+ friendships
Loneliness is experienced by everyone at some point in life, whether after moving cities, following a breakup, or during major transitions like parenting, caregiving, or retirement. Loneliness has now reached epidemic levels in countries such as the United States and Australia, and it is uniquely felt within LGBTQIA+ communities.
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, loneliness is compounded by minority stress — the internalised stress of living with an often stigmatised identity. This stress shows up in many ways, ranging from experiences of discrimination and harassment to internal struggles like rejection sensitivity, internalised homophobia, or fear of coming out. However, LGBTQIA+ communities have a long history of navigating marginalisation — whether in their families, communities, or society — through resilience, community spirit, authenticity, and pride.
Although loneliness leaves us feeling disconnected due to unmet social needs, it is different from solitude, which is a restorative state of being alone by choice. As Eric Klinenberg, author of Going Solo, explains, loneliness signals that we need better, more meaningful connections. Loneliness often arises when social relationships, roles, or group memberships are lacking or harmful.
A place for AI companionship?
Despite the growing use of AI companions as a solution to loneliness, especially by young people in their teenage years, AI companions overlook the deeper emotional needs that human interaction provides. AI may offer harmless entertainment or limited emotional support, but it cannot replace the complex emotional experiences of real human relationships. For people who are chronically lonely or going through major change, there is growing evidence of harm. Instead, building genuine social bonds — especially in marginalised LGBTQIA+ communities — requires investment in social infrastructure, such as parks, libraries, and community programs.
The science of loneliness and its impacts on LGBTQIA+ communities
While loneliness can motivate us to seek social interaction, prolonged isolation has detrimental effects on mental and physical health. Chronic loneliness — more prevalent among LGBTQIA+ individuals due to social isolation and minority stress —triggers a stress response that can activate the immune system, increasing inflammation and causing long-term damage to our brain. Studies show that individuals who experience high levels of loneliness are at greater risk of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease.
Loneliness tends to follow a U-shaped curve throughout life, with peaks in younger adulthood and older age.
For younger LGBTQIA+ individuals, the journey of self-discovery and coming out can sometimes be lonely, especially if they face hostility or rejection from family or peers. Experiences of bullying or social exclusion are particularly harmful during these formative years.
For older people in LGBTQIA+ communities , many have lived through decades of social rejection before the gay liberation movement took hold. They often face growing older in a society that can still hold prejudice, leading to feelings of invisibility and exclusion, particularly in LGBTQIA+ spaces that tend to cater to younger generations.
That’s why chosen families, and LGBTQIA+ friendly social, arts, and sports spaces, are important for building meaningful connections. Without strong community ties, supportive or chosen families, those in the LGBTQIA+ communities are more vulnerable to the harmful effects of loneliness.
Practical strategies for building friendships in the LGBTQIA+ community
If you're feeling isolated, especially in the LGBTQIA+ communities, making new friendships may seem daunting. However, with the right approach, it’s possible to build meaningful connections. Here are some practical ideas:
Join LGBTQIA+ groups: Look for LGBTQIA+ specific social groups centred on shared interests such as sports, activism, art, or other activities. These groups provide a safe, inclusive space to meet others with similar experiences.
Volunteer for LGBTQIA+ causes: Volunteering for an LGBTQIA+ charity, pride event, or advocacy group connects you with others who are passionate about making a difference, while also giving you a sense of purpose.
Participate in LGBTQIA+ community events: Pride events, queer book clubs, and LGBTQIA+ gatherings offer opportunities to meet people who understand your unique experiences. Joining these spaces on a regular basis helps build a sense of belonging.
Be vulnerable in safe spaces: It can be hard to open up, especially if you’ve experienced rejection or discrimination, but vulnerability often leads to deeper, more meaningful connections. Sharing personal experiences with others who understand can foster trust and friendship.
Reconnect with LGBTQIA+ friends: Reaching out to old friends from LGBTQIA+ spaces can be a great way to rekindle connections and rebuild supportive networks.
Attend LGBTQIA+ support groups: For those who have faced trauma, rejection, or significant stress related to their identity, attending support groups can be a helpful way to come out and build connections with others who understand these challenges.
Move online connections offline: Use online LGBTQIA+ forums and platforms as a stepping stone to build real-world friendships. Move beyond virtual interactions by inviting someone to a coffee meet-up or community event.
Be persistent: Building friendships takes time — the more times you catch up in a meaningful way, and the closer you live to each other — make a difference. Continue to show up for your friends and communities, and connections will develop organically.
The role of therapy for overcoming chronic loneliness
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, therapy can play an important role in finding better ways of responding to chronic loneliness. Some people face unique challenges such as rejection by family, internalised homophobia, or experiences of violence and discrimination. These experiences can create barriers to forming friendships and intimate relationships, leaving individuals feeling unworthy of genuine connection or fearful of rejection.
LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy helps address both the internalised aspects of minority stress and the external experiences of marginalisation. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based approaches, such as Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Schema Therapy, help challenge negative thought patterns and ways of coping that keep you stuck in isolation. Trauma-focused CBT helps individuals process earlier adversity that have contributed to feelings of loneliness.
By nurturing self-acceptance and empowering individuals to navigate social spaces with confidence, therapy becomes an important tool for building meaningful friendships and supportive networks.
A call to connection for every life chapter
If you're navigating chronic loneliness, why not start with a call? Get in touch — we’d love to hear from you.
References
Ancín-Nicolás, R. A., Pastor, Y., López-Sáez, M. A., Platero, L. (2024). Protective factors in the LGBTIQ+ adolescent experience: A systematic review. Healthcare. 12, 1865–1885. https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare12181865
Elmer, E. M., van Tilburg, T. G., & Fokkema, T. (2024). Age and gender identity in the relationship between minority stress and loneliness: a global sample of sexual and gender minority adults. The Journal of Sex Research. 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2024.2339511
Hughes, M. (2016). Loneliness and social support among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people aged 50 and over. Ageing and Society. 36(9), 1961–1981. https://doi:10.1017/S0144686X1500080X
Klinenberg, E. (2013). Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. Penguin Books.
Maples, B., Cerit, M., Vishwanath, A., & Pea, R. (2024). Loneliness and suicide mitigation for students using GPT3-enabled chatbots. npj Mental Health Research. 3(4). 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1038/s44184-023-00047-6
Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the healing effects of social connection and community.
Pereira, H., & Banerjee, D. (2021). Successful aging among older LGBTQIA+ people: future research and implications. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12, 1–7. https://doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2021.756649